Rest isn’t a luxury—it’s a necessity

Question – do you ever have that moment of guilt for stopping and taking a breather after ‘doing’ life at a frenetic pace endlessly?

This was me the past few days! And while, my neurosparkly brain has only recently been able to acknowledge this is what guilt can feel like, it got me pondering, again, about why we feel this way about looking after ourselves?

Let’s set the scene – over the weekend I had the pleasure of being a vendor at a Breast Cancer Charity High Tea. I’ve been attending the event since it commenced and was even a guest speaker last year. But this year I choose to be a vendor – my first as an international best-selling author.

Not my first event mind you – in my muggles career, event management was part of my PD. Think policing exhibits and events at the Brisbane International Motorshow; Commissioner’s Christmas Carols; Queensland wide crime prevention, road safety and personal safety campaign launches; along with establishing and launching Policelink to give you an idea.

I have lived what is involved behind the scenes and front of house and the masks required at all stages. I also have intimate knowledge and experience of exactly how exhausting events are in general.

For me, my recent author event was also the culmination of about six months of hyper focused diligence to meet my own deadlines for publishing projects as well as business pivoting and rebranding. It was also my first event after officially meeting my AuDHD brain!

Add to this life in general and the unexpected life moments we all have – such as cyclones and for me, my Dad and goddaughter landing themselves in different hospitals on the same day, just after the cyclone – just thinking about it is exhausting. By the way, Dad’s still there and had his second round of surgery yesterday.

So post event, sensory overload and exhaustion should have been expected on Sunday morning when I dragged my aching limbs out of bed. But it took me awhile to twig. The signs were there. The smell of burning bacon wafting from the coffee shop across the street at 6am. Not unusual, but it was too much. The smell of motorcycle exhaust fumes from the parade of Harley’s was too much. The giggling gaggle of lycra encrusted bike riders was too much. Even the salty aroma of low tide – one of my all-time favourite aromas – was too much.

And suddenly the last conversation with my neurosparkly counsellor came flooding back. Only days before the event, she had made the following request of me – ‘Lower expectations. Less is more, is your new theme. And slow down.’

With her voice floating through the hollows of my exhausted brain, and all my sensory markers pinging simultaneously, I chose to breathe. This was my answer. Take time to rest, reflect and breathe. A new concept for me! A tough decision too. But one I know my soul was nudging me to do – in a variety of ways to get my attention!

What I’ve discovered since being clinically diagnosed in September 2023, is my life as an AuDHDer is a unique adventure—full of creativity, energy, and challenges which present as a variety of conundrums.

Just in case you haven’t encountered the AuDHD neurotype, well it refers to the unique intersection of Autism and ADHD, where traits from both intertwine to create a distinct cognitive and sensory experience. And let me tell you, it's not just a mix of two neurosparkly brains—it’s an entirely different way of thinking, feeling, and interacting with the world. The hyperfocus and deep passion of Autism blends with the energetic and fast-moving mind of ADHD, sometimes creating incredible bursts of creativity, but also unique challenges in regulation and processing. Welcome to my world!

And in a world that often demands more than it gives, rest becomes a radical act of self-care, especially for AuDHD women. Balancing the unique challenges of Autism and ADHD can be exhausting, and it's easy to overlook the importance of recharging. 

Since my diagnosis, I have also discovered the ways I previously ignored my inner knowing about what my mind, body and soul needed when exhausted on all levels, no longer worked. I needed to choose a different response. So I did. And after Saturday’s event, I have chosen to accept, rest isn’t a luxury—it’s a necessity.

But why does rest matter so much for an AuDHDer like me? Some of the reasons I’ve discovered instead of pushing through like I once did are simply, rest:

• boosts emotional regulation and reduces overwhelm. 

• enhances focus and executive functioning. 

• supports overall mental and physical well-being. 

Sleeping is not something that comes easily to me either – like many AuDHDers. So how was I meant to rest? It did take me awhile to work out what ‘rest’ meant. And this could simply be because of the link with guilt to take ‘time off’ – whether this is as the result of societal norms or the entrenched family work ethic.

But here’s the thing – rest isn't just about sleep—it's about creating moments of peace that honour my neurosparkly needs. It’s about redefining the concept of rest especially for those of us who struggle with conventional relaxation methods. Instead of forcing myself to "do nothing", I choose low-energy activities like listening to familiar music, spending time playing with cards or pendulums, or taking mindful breaks, or simply writing and letting go of societal expectations. 

Some of the fuss free and practical ways I’ve chosen to embrace rest, recharge, and flourish include:

1. Creating a sensory-friendly space with calming lights, scents and sounds. For me this means closing the blinds, soft lamp light, calming piano music, diffusing my favourite essential oils and reading or playing with cards or pendulums.

2. Scheduling "unplugged" time to disconnect and recharge. This is when I have my coffee watching the ocean or practice my box-breathing or maybe do some soul writing.

3. Embracing self-compassion—resting is productive! This is the hardest one for me so far as it involves decades of unwiring and keeping the ADHD side of my brain at one with taking time out!

4. Embracing movement. For me this is either strength training, using stretch bands every 20mins while I’m writing, calming walks by the ocean to reset my mind and body or dancing the overwhelm away. 

5. Developing my very own ‘Rest Plan’ to incorporate my favourite strategies which helps the structure required side of my brain (the autism side!).

6. Designing flexible routines that balance structure and spontaneity. I use time-blocking with options for activities within each block to accommodate both my ADHD's need for variety and my Autism's preference for predictability. For example, my schedule will say ‘develop blog post’ with a timeframe. The actual tasks include the creativity of writing and developing any associated images as well as the step-by-step process of uploading and posting. ADHD creativity plus ASD predictable structure all in one activity!

7. My ADHD brain despises the confinement of a to-do list, and my ASD side needs the structure. So I have developed a system where I write tasks and appointments on pretty note paper, and I pin these on a pinboard – Achievements (task) on one side and Appointments on the other. The pinboard sits on my desk. The tasks and appointments are high level only to reduce the overwhelm. Spending a set time doing this activity on Monday morning also reduces potential overwhelm, as I can visually see my week in a glance. The pinboard can also only fit a certain number of tasks – another secret squirrel tactic to prevent overwhelm! This pinboard has a secondary purpose too. It becomes an achievement acknowledgement base. I keep all the ticked off achievements so I can reflect on how far I have progressed at any point.

Bottomline. The Charity event was fabulous. I loved chatting to friends new and old. Sharing cards. Doing colour analysis. Sharing my musings. And discovering a new way of responding to the overwhelm and exhaustion which landed fairly and squarely on this AuDHDers shoulders post the event.

Rest is our secret weapon—it’s the foundation for creativity, focus, and self-care. Remember, we all deserve to thrive, not just survive. Embrace your Elegant Rebel® and show yourself the same kindness, compassion and grace you easily show everyone else and let’s make rest a priority together! 

P.S. Click here for an example of an AuDHD Personalised Rest Plan.

International Best Selling & Indie Reader Approved Author, Soulful Intuitive Mentor and founder of Elegant Rebel, Peta-Ann inspires and supports neurosparkly and spiritually curious souls to feel safe and heard when unmasking their magic, by following their inner voice instead of societal norms. P-A is late verified neurodivergent and a breast cancer thriver, choosing to stay flat almost a decade ago. She’s also an Oracle Card Author, Holistic Counsellor, Happiness Coach, Colour Therapist, Reiki Master, and Soul Coaching® Oracle Reader.