‘You can’t live a lie. You have to follow your heart.’ – Paul Weller
What a delightful, unexpected happenstance! Talk about being super surprised. While researching for this blog, sitting amongst the Rumi, Paulo Coelho, Brené Brown, Gabrielle Bernstein and Oprah Winfrey quotes was one from the Modfather himself – Paul Weller.
How could I not use this quote? Weller tunes have been the mainstay of me following my soul nudges and my heart since I was 12 years old. Yup that’s over four decades of inspo! So, it’s always a bonus when I can weave some Weller magic into my writing! And while I wouldn’t normally use the terminology of ‘living a lie’ it seems quite pertinent for this story.
Despite choosing to follow my heart and my soul nudges many moons ago and embracing my youness, there are still some areas of my life I often push into the background. This mainly stems from a place of fear – fear of being perceived as a wee bit too out there for folks in my life. For me, masking and camouflaging stems from a need to feel safe and a need to quell my alleged ‘too muchness’. I could argue my approach isn’t the technical definition of lying, however it is still akin to the sentiment of ‘living a lie’. Thank you Mr Weller.
This story starts about 12 months ago when I chose to have a chat to myself and say enough! Masking and camouflaging – my version of ‘living a lie’ – began to leave the building, and I began to truly embrace my neuroquirky, elegantly rebellious self. No more hiding my youness and who I truly am!
And as the Weller playlist kicks in, it occurs to me there is much poignancy in his words. How can you follow your heart without being your true self? Simple answer – you can’t!
To follow your heart requires a level of accepting yourself and following your soul nudges, let alone the somewhat mythical concept of self-love. Following your heart does sound a wee bit like a cheesy Rom-Com cliché and I quite possibly would glaze over if someone started sharing with me their opinion on how I should do this. However. When my soul is giving me the ‘follow me’ nudge and it is devoid of external opinion, and I can easily embrace this – in my way!
So what was the outcome of my inner voice ‘enough is enough’ chat? The outcome is incredibly layered, like that Christmas dip we all make! So cue the information sharing music, and you may need that cuppa to keep up! For those playing at home, currently I’m up to The Style Council era of the Weller playlist and have my peppermint and ginger tea at the ready. So here we go…
Some of you may know I re-trained as a Holistic Counsellor and Happiness Coach after I was medically retired a few years ago, so my approach to ‘following my heart’ stems from this training and has a basis in clinical psychology. Carl Rogers in fact.
First off, let's tip our hats to Carl Rogers, the grand-daddy of client-centered therapy.
Carl Rogers was the American Psychologist who could probably make a statue talk about its feelings and turned the therapy world, at the time, on its head by suggesting ‘maybe the client knows a thing or two about their own life.’ Sound familiar? And sounds just a wee bit elegantly rebellious, right?
Before Rogers came along, therapists were all about randomly decoding dreams and telling you, your compulsive need to clean your glasses stemmed from unresolved potty-training issues. But Rogers was like, ‘Or, let's just listen to what the person has to say.’
So, the first layer of the elegant rebel dip is based in client-centered therapy where everyone's inner voice gets a vote, and the approach gives power back to the people. Imagine that! The therapist is a facilitator, providing a safe space for clients to explore their feelings without fear of judgment or unsolicited advice. It's a place where ‘Mm-hmm’ and ‘Tell me more’ are the magic words.
But wait, there's more! Enter stage left the next layer of this delicious dip – holistic counseling. As a general overview, holistic counseling is like that friend who's into energy healing, crystals, cards, and has an essential oil for every day of the week. Sound like anyone you may know perhaps? It's not just about talking, which is the mainstay of client-centred therapy; it's about connecting the mind, body, and spirit in a harmonious trifecta of well-being.
And one of the reasons I love the combination of holistic counselling and client-centered therapy is, it simply achieves the beauty of both worlds: a non-judgmental listening ear and a holistic game plan to tackle life's curveballs. It’s elegantly rebellious.
Now, even though following your heart truly does sound like the cheesy cliché, in Rogers' world, it's all about that inner GPS known as 'self-actualisation'. It's like your heart is the captain of a ship, and your brain is the overthinking first mate who can't decide if it wants Italian or Thai for dinner.
Rogers believed in the power of the 'actualising tendency', which is basically your inner cheerleader, cheering you on to reach your full potential. It's your inner voice reminding you, "You’ve got this!". He also introduced us to 'unconditional positive regard', which is just a fancy way of talking about allowing yourself to shine as the youest version of you, quirks and all.
But what has any of this got to do with my realisation 12 months ago, that I wasn’t truly following my heart? My training as a Coach/Counsellor and passion for using my knowledge to assist others is one of the parts of myself I’ve been hiding! Diminishing my ability. Denouncing it even!
And while I do love simply sharing information – it’s my Human Design in fact – this is the clinical background to why I am that person who bangs on about being the youest version of you, you can be. When I finally chose to embrace my knowledge, I also allowed myself to follow my long-held dream of developing my own oracle cards.
Embracing my knowledge and following my heart is why I started developing my Elegant Rebel Oracle Cards – so you too can have the cheerleader in your back pocket 24/7. So you too can hear your soul nudges and feel connected to your soul’s voice. So you too can follow your heart and be your true self!
Developing my cards opened my eyes to exactly how much of my true self I have been hiding for way too long. I had fallen into a soul-numbing circle of being who I thought others needed me to be, not what my heart and soul was strongly suggesting for me! Developing my cards was me finally following my heart. Writing the guidebook for my cards used all my counsellor, coach and soul coaching® oracle reader and psychic training. Yes psychic training. I own a Diploma of Professional Psychic. Bet you didn’t know that!
The idea for my cards did actually drop in a few years ago. However, I put them on hold as I kept tripping over boulders on my path instead of following my soul glimmers. The biggest rock was the artist I had chosen to design the artwork for my cards lost his eyesight and then disappeared. I took this, incorrectly, as a sign to not develop my cards. I allowed my fear of failure to take hold. I gave into the sabotage belief that I didn’t know enough to be able to share with others. I gave my power over to others and chose not to follow my heart.
There I was with my card dream relegated to the background, floating around just doing ‘stuff’ which I felt was following my heart and soul nudges. And it was, and I was… but I wasn’t 100% on board to be honest. I was subconsciously fearful of truly following my heart. I was following a few glimmer threads – so it wasn’t all doom and gloom. One of these threads was setting up my first in-person speaking event after several years.
It was this event which changed my course. Which is kind of weird, as I am not at one with public speaking. But there I was. At a Breast Cancer Month event. At my own choice. Chatting about being a proud Flattie, recently discovering I was clinically neurodivergent and talking about being the youest version of yourself and yet feeling like I wasn’t truly practicing what I was preaching.
It was the beautiful souls in attendance and my co-hosts who unknowingly lifted me up and gave me the impetus to stand in my light and really embrace me and follow my heart. This was the moment I decided to embrace my dream of folks having the Elegant Rebel Queenie in their back pocket 24/7. Then, seemingly out of left field, my soul gave my heart another nudge and a glimmering trail to follow where I was able to embrace my writing, coaching and publishing expertise, and physically bring my cards to life.
So off I went and followed the path to design my cards. It flowed so easily and I was super proud and excited about all I was achieving. Back in flow and following my soul purpose and my heart. When it came to writing the guidebook. I baulked. The ‘what do I know?’ returned. Gratefully I was able to sense the limiting beliefs arriving before they took too strong a hold. And it turns out I know a wee bit about this stuff. I know how to channel information from my soul. I also know how to read cards and how to teach others how to read cards. Many of you will know my preference is to read cards with you, not for you. And I have been on this path for many years. How does reading for you, help you in the long run to understand how your soul chats with you? It’s kinda like the ‘loaves and fishes’ analogy for me.
I was also able to intentionally use the client-centred approach in the development of my cards. There’s a reason every card comes with a set of questions to get you to start thinking or even writing! This is the underlying tenet for all that I do. Listening to people, no judgement, acceptance of self and others, and encouraging folks to follow their hearts to be their uniquely gorgeous elegantly rebellious selves. And my cards reflect the various attributes of being just this. Re-igniting your elegant rebel in fact.
I won’t lie – the process of following your heart isn’t always the easiest route but it certainly is the most rewarding. True beauty emerges when you choose to listen to your soul’s truth, your inner voice, your passions and desires.
I was also reminded during the development process for my cards, that doubts and fears lower your vibrational energy. It’s like you are looking through the fog. You can sense there’s something there, but it’s murky and cloudy. It was only natural I got stuck when doubt and fear set in. To truly follow your heart, it takes intention to clear away these doubts and fears.
Remember though, willingness and intention to clear any doubts and fears doesn’t mean you are instantly protected from the risk that comes with following your heart and taking chances. But know this. Do not fear making mistakes or taking chances. Be willing to explore new paths. Allow yourself the courage and grace to be imperfect and to step away from the familiar and take risks. For me this meant learning to trust. To understand when it’s safe to unmask and share my youness with the world fully and that it’s more than okeh to follow my heart, even when it’s not quite what the world expects.
And those proverbial boulders along the way are there for a reason. They’re not there as an excuse to hold yourself back from truly following your heart. They’re there to guide you along the way, reminding you that you truly have got this and assist you in developing your tenacity and navigating skills.
If you do encounter boulders or bumps along your path and they feel insurmountable, know that the sun will rise again tomorrow, giving you another opportunity to tune into your heart and your soul and to trust that life is happening for you and has a unique way of unfolding just for you. Your heart will guide you through every twist and turn.
It really is your choice as to whether you sense following your heart is a recipe or a cheesy cliché. All I can suggest is to trust yourself, take a deep breath, and step forward. Personally, I’m 100% on board with the recipe version to follow my heart, embrace the adventure, and let my heart and soul’s wisdom light my path. For me, the wise words of Paulo Coelho sum up my why beautifully, ‘Listen to your heart. Because, wherever your heart is, that is where you’ll find your treasure.’ Or perhaps a delicious layered dip!
Peta-Ann is the Founder of Elegant Rebel®, providing support for other soul-full rebels in rediscovering their uniqueness and celebrating all that they are and can be. Elegant Rebels choose to follow their inner-knowing instead of societal norms and take heart-centred action filled with compassion, kindness and grace. Late verified neuroquirky (AuDHD & dyslexic), she is also a Published Author; Holistic Coach; Proofreader, Writer; Colour Therapist; Holistic Counsellor; Happiness Coach; Professional Psychic; Reiki Master; Certified Angel Tarot Card Read, and a Soul Coaching® Oracle Reader.
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