Have you ever experienced the sensation when a group of like-minded souls answer your call for assistance and ‘hold space’ for you while you do whatever it is you need to do for you? The kind of support which is unique, valued and lifts you up beyond measure and you feel you can conquer any of the challenges appearing in your world?
Recently I encountered this sensation. It was unexpected. For a variety of reasons. I’m not a fan of how the term ‘holding space’ is often used and it got me thinking about how folks ‘holding space’ helps us to focus on ‘taking up space’.
I know me and me my words! So. What does this neuroquirky writer mean? Here we go…
The term ‘holding space’ is bandied around quite a lot and sometimes I feel without a second thought for what it means. In fact, I am the first to question the intentions of anyone who claims to be holding space for anyone.
In my previous experience it has been a patronising approach where people jump into your energetic space without permission and feel the need to ‘fix’ you. And this is certainly not even close to the premise of truly holding space.
When I felt the true sensation of a group of like-minded souls holding space for me, it was indescribable acceptance and compassion all mixed into one. They had requested my permission to assist me or enter my energetic field, so I could achieve what I needed to and feel supported in taking up my own space.
And this, for me is the entire point of holding space. Simply being there. No fixing. No casting spells. No jumping in to save the day without actually asking what is needed. It’s about simply standing by and supporting your friend, colleague, loved one to navigate what they need to so they can stand in their own light and take up space.
You’ve no doubt had the phrase ‘holding space’ thrown at you, especially over the past few years, as it seems to be everyone’s go to phrase in certain circles. But what about the outcome as a consequence of holding space – where someone can actually take up their own space?
How often do you truly allow yourself to take up space and be the youest version of yourself? Your true self. You, in all your authenticity. Accepting yourself and sharing your kindness, grace and compassion with others as a way-shower.
When was the last time you allowed yourself to be seen and heard, expressing your thoughts with compassionate conviction and had the courage to occupy the space you have earnt and deserve.
Taking up space is all about the true meaning of empowerment, for me. Embracing your presence, following your inner knowing, standing in your light and refusing to shrink into the background while maintaining a neutrality to the situation and not being dragged into someone else’s drama.
In fact, it is the number one outcome of truly embodying being an Elegant Rebel®.
Taking up space is about recognising you are always worthy. You are always enough. You are never ‘too’ anything. You deserve to be present and take up space in this realm. Own your grace, kindness and compassion. Be the Elegant Rebel® you were born to be. Stand tall and radiate your amazing energy and light so everyone can see.
There are so many reasons why we struggle with the concept of taking up space. Think ‘tall poppy’ here in Australia. But taking up space does not need to dismiss the values of humility and modesty, which are often held in high esteem. This is where being an Elegant Rebel® and taking heart-centred action with kindness, grace and compassion comes to the fore. You can stand up for your truth from a place of peace and humility, in fact you quite possibly will stand out more in this day and age.
Some of the other reasons why we may shun taking up space include:
Fear and doubting your value and worth. Fearing judgment and worrying about being perceived as arrogant or pushy or too assertive if we do. We also feel unworthy for recognition of our achievements. We’re not often encouraged to celebrate what we have achieved or share these achievements which can prevent us from confidently taking up space. Comparison also leads to self-doubt, so focus on your life’s adventure rather than measuring up to others.
Societal norms Often we are taught to be polite, quiet, and accommodating, especially women – think ‘good girl’ syndrome - and marginalized groups. Dropping these expectations to stand up in your light can be incredibly challenging but not undoable.
Power/powerless duality: We assume, and for the most part do not question, hierarchies in workplaces, classrooms, or social settings which may affect our confidence. That feeling of being powered over and inferior to authority figures or dominant personalities may leave us feeling powerless to express ourselves in any way.
Perfectionism: Striving for perfection often leads to self-censorship. We wait until we feel fully prepared or flawless before speaking up. As the amazing Denise Linn says, ‘it doesn’t need to be perfect, it just needs to be done’.
Trauma or Past Experiences — such as bullying, rejection, or invalidation— leads to hesitancy in expressing ourselves. There’s a fear of repeating those experiences, which subsequently holds us back.
Anxiety and overanalysing situations and falling into the ‘what if…’ cycle can often paralyse us. We may also be incredibly anxious about saying the wrong thing or being misunderstood or rejected. These are big ones for me!
Fear of Conflict: Taking up space sometimes involves disagreement or confrontation. Fear of conflict prevents some of us from asserting our thoughts and points of view. I put my hand up to this one!
Lack of Role Models: When we don’t see others like us, standing in their light, gracefully taking up space, we may question whether it’s possible or acceptable. Stand in your light and be an elegantly rebellious way-shower!
Taking up space is a skill we can develop. It’s not innate in our make-up, especially with many of the above challenges in play. Taking up space involves self-enquiry, practice, establishing boundaries and values and a determined willingness to challenge our own mindset. And when we do, and embrace taking up space, we then create an environment to encourage others to take up space too, in a kind, graceful and compassionate way. We expand the strength of being an empowered Elegant Rebel®.
Remember, you are a beacon for others, so be the youest you you can be. Your very being encourages others to take up their own space too, creating a positive ripple effect. The ripples of grace, compassion and kindness flow outwards from your heart-centre.
Taking up space does not mean dominating conversations or over-powering others or being aggressive. This is not being graceful, kind or compassionate or elegantly rebellious. It’s about finding the balance between allowing yourself to be seen and heard, while respecting others.
Express your ideas with conviction and have the courage to occupy the space you so rightfully deserve. Embrace your presence and refuse to shrink into the background. Remember to set your boundaries, know your values and take heart-centred actions.
When you take up space, you step into your empowerment and contribute authentically to the world around you. So go ahead and elegantly claim your space!
Peta-Ann is the Founder of Elegant Rebel®, providing support for other soul-full rebels in rediscovering their uniqueness and celebrating all that they are and can be. Elegant Rebels choose to follow their inner-knowing instead of societal norms and take heart-centred action filled with compassion, kindness and grace.
Late verified neuroquirky (AuDHD & dyslexic), she is also a Published Author; Holistic Coach; Proofreader, Writer; Colour Therapist; Holistic Counsellor; Happiness Coach; Professional Psychic; Reiki Master; Certified Angel Tarot Card Read, and a Soul Coaching® Oracle Reader.
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